Hockey Chirps
81 chirps for every situation on the ice. Use responsibly.
Heat:
| Chirp | Category | Heat |
|---|---|---|
| "You couldn't hit the net if it was the size of a barn door." | skill | Mild |
| "Nice hands — for a soccer player." | skill | Mild |
| "My grandma has a harder shot and she uses a walker." | skill | Medium |
| "You skate like you've got a piano on your back." | skill | Mild |
| "Your shot is about as dangerous as a nerf gun." | skill | Mild |
| "You couldn't dangle a set of keys." | skill | Mild |
| "I've seen better hands on a clock." | skill | Medium |
| "You must have a great personality, because it's not your skating." | skill | Medium |
| "Even the Zamboni driver moves better than you." | skill | Medium |
| "Your dangles are so bad, the puck files a restraining order." | skill | Medium |
| "That pass was so bad it needed a GPS." | skill | Mild |
| "I've seen smoother skating at a public skate." | skill | Mild |
| "Nice shift — you were out there so long I thought you bought a timeshare." | effort | Mild |
| "Your backchecking makes a fire hydrant look mobile." | effort | Medium |
| "Are you playing hockey or just out for a casual stroll?" | effort | Mild |
| "Nice hustle — said nobody watching you play." | effort | Medium |
| "You've been on the ice so long you owe rent." | effort | Mild |
| "Do you want a pillow for that bench nap?" | effort | Mild |
| "I didn't know they let pylons wear jerseys." | effort | Medium |
| "Your compete level is somewhere between asleep and standing still." | effort | Medium |
| "Nice bucket. Does it get AM or FM?" | gear | Mild |
| "Your equipment bag smells like it committed a crime." | gear | Mild |
| "Is that a hockey stick or a tree branch?" | gear | Mild |
| "Those skates are so old they should be in a museum." | gear | Mild |
| "Your gloves have more holes than your game." | gear | Medium |
| "Nice visor — I can see your future through it. It's not in hockey." | gear | Medium |
| "Your tape job looks like it was done during an earthquake." | gear | Mild |
| "Hey ref, I thought only horses wore blinders!" | classic | Medium |
| "If you played any worse, you'd be in the stands watching." | classic | Medium |
| "You're the reason the team has a mascot — someone has to be out there for entertainment." | classic | Medium |
| "I'd chirp you harder but I don't want to hurt your feelings AND the scoreboard." | classic | Medium |
| "You're like a parking ticket — nobody wants you but you keep showing up." | classic | Medium |
| "Does your team know you're playing tonight?" | classic | Medium |
| "You couldn't score in an empty net with no goalie and a beach ball." | classic | Mild |
| "The scoreboard is the only thing keeping score — you certainly aren't." | classic | Medium |
| "Your plus-minus is in a different zip code." | classic | Mild |
| "You make the fourth line look like the first line." | classic | Medium |
| "How many beers deep were you before this game?" | beer-league | Mild |
| "Your warmup is longer than your shift." | beer-league | Mild |
| "I've seen better coordination at a toddler's skating lesson." | beer-league | Medium |
| "Nice play — for a guy who peaked in high school." | beer-league | Medium |
| "Are you tired, or is that just your normal speed?" | beer-league | Mild |
| "The Zamboni just lapped you." | beer-league | Mild |
| "Your cardio makes a sloth look like a sprinter." | beer-league | Mild |
| "You play like you've got an early tee time tomorrow." | beer-league | Mild |
| "Hey goalie, you're a sieve — the water goes right through!" | goalie | Medium |
| "It's called a save for a reason. Try it." | goalie | Medium |
| "Your glove has more holes than Swiss cheese." | goalie | Mild |
| "Five-hole so big I could drive a Zamboni through it." | goalie | Medium |
| "Are you a goalie or a turnstile?" | goalie | Medium |
| "I've seen screen doors stop more pucks." | goalie | Medium |
| "The net behind you is just a suggestion, apparently." | goalie | Mild |
| "Your rebound control is like a trampoline — everything bounces back." | goalie | Mild |
| "Hey ref, I thought the penalty was for tripping, not blindness!" | ref | Medium |
| "Ref, you're missing a great game!" | ref | Mild |
| "Nice call, ref — even my dog saw that one." | ref | Mild |
| "Hey ref, how much are they paying you? Because it's too much." | ref | Medium |
| "I didn't know this was a figure skating competition, ref." | ref | Mild |
| "Ref, do you take requests? I'd like a power play." | ref | Mild |
| "Hey stripes, that whistle's not a toy!" | ref | Medium |
| "The ref is having such a good game, someone should sign him." | ref | Mild |
| "Keep your head up out there — oh wait, that's your normal height." | bench | Medium |
| "Hey 17, your mom called — she wants her skating back." | bench | Mild |
| "Nice try, bud. Almost had it. Almost." | bench | Mild |
| "That was almost a play. Like, in a parallel universe." | bench | Mild |
| "Get on the bench, you're making the ice worse." | bench | Medium |
| "The bench misses you already." | bench | Mild |
| "Come sit down — you've done enough damage." | bench | Mild |
| "You're the reason coaches get gray hair." | bench | Mild |
| "I'm not slow — I'm just energy efficient." | self | Mild |
| "I didn't miss the net. I was aiming for the glass." | self | Mild |
| "My best move is getting off the ice." | self | Mild |
| "I'm here for the post-game beers, not the scoreboard." | self | Mild |
| "I peaked in squirts and it's been downhill ever since." | self | Mild |
| "My hockey career highlight was finding a parking spot at the rink." | self | Mild |
| "I'd roast you back, but your play already did that." | response | Medium |
| "Keep chirping — the scoreboard is doing my talking." | response | Medium |
| "That's a lot of talk from someone on the other side of the score." | response | Medium |
| "I'd be mad too if I played like you." | response | Medium |
| "Save your breath — you'll need it for your next shift." | response | Mild |
| "Are you chirping me or writing a novel? Get to the point." | response | Mild |